Pity Party

Today I am having a Pity Party.

I KNOW that I have many things in my life to be thankful for.

I KNOW that Jerry & I are very blessed with a huge, loving family.

BUT today, I don't care... I just want to have a Pity Party.

Life isn't Fair. It never has been and never will be. Bad things happen to good people and good things happen for terrible people. That's not going to change. But just this once, can we get a freaking break!!!

We have decided to back out of the house we were going to rent. It just wasn't the right time, we still have a long way to go to be all caught up and in combination with family members being sick/dying and the holidays approaching, I we weren't ready. So the guy we were going to rent from decided to be a giant a**hole and not give us our full deposit back. He said he was going to pro-rate it for the days he had it off the market, which we were ok with, since we knew it was only 3 days. {Paid deposit on Friday, called Monday to tell him we changed our mind} He however took it upon himself to decide that since we were planning on moving in on the 15th that meant it was 2 weeks! So he kept 1/2 of the money. So now we are both feeling like idiots for essentially throwing $312 in the garbage for absolutely nothing!! GRRRR... I feel like we are always getting taking advantage of when we always try and be honest. I've waited for 25 mins once trying to get the attention of the person who rang us up to let them know they gave us $10 too much money back.... and yet I feel like these good deeds always go unnoticed. But people that lie/scam the system are always getting things for free and having stuff handed to them! Again GRRR...

I'm also very annoyed that one of the hubby's cousins is pregnant AGAIN with her 4th child. I know people are probably thinking "wow, what a crab!" but I think you should know that she does not have custody of her 1st child, does not have a job, does not have a car and is barely able to care for the other 2 children already in her care and yet she's having ANOTHER ONE. Life isn't fair. How is it possible that she can get pregnant with 4 children in the time we've been trying for 1. ****UPDATE**** I am quite possibly the WORST person in the world right now. I was completely emotional/hormonal/upset and just plain rude when complaining about his cousin and now I feel terribly guilty and like the worst possible person in the world because his cousin lost her baby yesterday. I. Am. A. Terrible. Person.

I know everyone says it will happen when God thinks you're ready but really... you mean to tell me God thinks she needs another child and we aren't ready. I find that very hard to believe. I know that also makes me a terrible person for questioning God's reasoning but I am at the point where if my life were a movie I would be standing outside shouting "ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!" at the skies for all to hear.

Sometimes life just isn't fair. My brain knows that but my heart is having a hard time understanding it.