Back to the Grind

It's Monday and that means back to work. It was nice to have 4 days off but it seems like I was only gone for about 4 seconds. Oh well, I guess I should be thankful to even have a job as some are not so lucky.

Thanksgiving was nice. Definitely strange this year. 2 grandparents were missing and also my mom (who I was so sweet to share my Flu with). All things take time to adjust but it just didn't FEEL like Thanksgiving. It still doesn't even now. All the Christmas decorations are up and we've been watching Christmas movies for weeks. The countdown thing in the corner of the TV says 27 days til Christmas. I don't believe it.

Time seems to be at a standstill with each day dragging on and on and on but then I look up and I've missed entire weeks at a time that I don't remember happening. Very strange indeed.

I'm also getting highly annoyed with my cycle.
I've been doing very well with at least getting a cycle each and every month. Almost always between 29-34 days, which for me is incredibly normal! Since before surgery in Jan it had been somewhere between 28-65 or not at all... so here I sit currently on Cycle Day 45. Forty-Five!! How on earth did this happen?!?!

At first I was excited, thinking that miraculously I had ovulated and was FINALLY pregnant. I patiently waited and waited and grew more and more excited everyday. Finally I broke down and bought a test fully expecting it to finally be positive. BFN. Waited 2 days and tried again. BFN. Again waited 2 days... again BFN. AGAIN waited 2 days... and AGAIN BFN. So if you are counting that's 4 tests, all negative. Throughout this process, I kept thinking well I'd only be 4 weeks it's too early, ok now I'm still only 5 weeks could be still to early,  and then ok now I would clearly be 6 weeks! WTF!! * I know that some women have trouble with urine tests and some don't ever get a positive at home until they are 6-8 MONTHS along... but it's rare and what are the odds.

 So, Now I'm just annoyed. So here I sit, still late, still feeling sick, and feeling nutso in my head but refusing to buy another test. Feeling like I could be feeling pregnancy symptoms and then feeling like no they are probably just PMS symptoms and then feeling like I'm crazy and not feeling anything at all.... and then I get mad and annoyed and angry all over again, but I refuse to buy another test so I guess we will just not find out we are preggers until delivery.

Also, please pray for my husband. Due to the fact that my hormones are in complete chaos right now and all the other mental/emotional things I am going through... I've not been kind to him. The smallest things he does have sent me right over the cliff between nice/happy wife and want to rip your head off wife in approx. 2 seconds. I'm currently looking for nice/happy wife but in the mean time please pray for him. :)