Well we are now in the waiting game period. :) BM will be 36 weeks pregnant on Thursday so we are playing the waiting game. Every time my phone makes any noise I'm running to get it just in case it's a call or text from her. We still have 4 WEEKS TO GO and I'm already this paranoid. I should note her last pregnancy she delivered at 37 weeks and we have a 9.5 hour drive to get to her so that hypes up my anticipation even more. And I know every pregnancy and baby is different so she could still be weeks away from delivering but it's hard to be patient at this point. PLUS it's CHRISTMAS and I've always dreamed of having a baby around Christmas time and that's sort of what we've been telling people from the get go was that we were adopting a baby around Christmas... silly of us, I know, but that was sort of an easy way to pinpoint and make it more real to us. So now that Christmas is only 7 days away and we have had our bags packed for weeks the anticipation is killing me!!! :) But I know that everything happens in God's timing. I mean we tried to get pregnant for 7 years with no luck at all and then out of the blue we get the call we've always been waiting for so I know she'll be born when she's ready but the waiting sucks. lol
Pray for us as we continue to wait it out and if you see a crazy person with their phone glued to their hand, don't judge her as rude or self-centered, she just might be waiting for the phone call that will change her entire life.
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prayer. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Time is Flying
Time has been flying by since I last posted. Things are going well with our adoption and we are anxiously waiting the phone call that says it's go time. Here's what we've been up to.
We met with a lawyer and got things set up as far as paperwork goes. He said that even though the BM lives in another state that he should be able to handle things from here, so that helps that we won't have to have an attorney in two different states. He doesn't always get back to me as timely as I would like but I guess we take the good with the bad.
We got to go along to one of our BM's doctor appointments. I know that most people who are adopting don't get that experience and believe me we treasured every moment of it. To be in the ultrasound room and hear the heartbeat and see our baby on the screen and get to take the pictures home. I think I was in tears the entire time. Happy tears of course!!
During that appt we got to find out that baby is a GIRL!!! We are totally over the moon excited.
We have since gotten more ultrasound pictures mailed to us from our BM. She has been nothing but super sweet and accommodating through this entire process. Keeping us up to date with everything and making sure we are always in the loop.
We I have gone just a little LOT crazy with the buying stuff for baby girl. We have 5 nephews and 2 nieces but they are older so we didn't have anything for hand-me-downs so I may or may not have gotten a little crazy with the buying clothes and hairbows. I just about die every time I get to put a hairbow in my cart and know it will go on my baby. I think we are still in shock that this is all happening.
We have chosen a name for our little peanut. She'll be Emelyn Grace. We love it and she might already have a few things with her name on it. ;)
We hosted Thanksgiving at our house and I told Jerry that this is the first year I can remember where I was actually happy on a holiday. Happy to enjoy my family and see everyone. Everyone was very excited and wanted to talk about the baby and how exited they were and how excited we were. Which is a change from every other year where I feel like they are all feeling bad for us and not really knowing what to say and so they just don't talk to us much.
Other than that it's been life as usual around here. Waiting patiently for the call to come to let us know it's time. BM thinks the baby might come before Christmas. That would absolutely be the ultimate Christmas present and no holiday would ever compare. :) We ask that you keep us in your prayers that everything will continue to go smoothly and we won't have any complications arise.
We met with a lawyer and got things set up as far as paperwork goes. He said that even though the BM lives in another state that he should be able to handle things from here, so that helps that we won't have to have an attorney in two different states. He doesn't always get back to me as timely as I would like but I guess we take the good with the bad.
We got to go along to one of our BM's doctor appointments. I know that most people who are adopting don't get that experience and believe me we treasured every moment of it. To be in the ultrasound room and hear the heartbeat and see our baby on the screen and get to take the pictures home. I think I was in tears the entire time. Happy tears of course!!
During that appt we got to find out that baby is a GIRL!!! We are totally over the moon excited.
We have since gotten more ultrasound pictures mailed to us from our BM. She has been nothing but super sweet and accommodating through this entire process. Keeping us up to date with everything and making sure we are always in the loop.
We have chosen a name for our little peanut. She'll be Emelyn Grace. We love it and she might already have a few things with her name on it. ;)
We hosted Thanksgiving at our house and I told Jerry that this is the first year I can remember where I was actually happy on a holiday. Happy to enjoy my family and see everyone. Everyone was very excited and wanted to talk about the baby and how exited they were and how excited we were. Which is a change from every other year where I feel like they are all feeling bad for us and not really knowing what to say and so they just don't talk to us much.
Other than that it's been life as usual around here. Waiting patiently for the call to come to let us know it's time. BM thinks the baby might come before Christmas. That would absolutely be the ultimate Christmas present and no holiday would ever compare. :) We ask that you keep us in your prayers that everything will continue to go smoothly and we won't have any complications arise.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
Roller Coaster of Emotions
Lately I feel like I'm just a roller coaster of emotions. I'm happy, scared, nervous, anxious, thankful, grateful, worried, stressed, and the list seems endless.
We are over the moon thankful that L found us and wants us to adopt her baby, but January seems sooooooo far away. I know in the grand scheme of our TTC 4 months seems like a cake walk but still when you've been TTC for over 7 years, 4 more months seems impossible.
This whole situation requires me to give up the control and just have faith and trust that everything will work out. Definitely NOT my strong suit. I am terrible at waiting for things to happen and not being the one making them happen. So to basically just have to sit tight until January when the baby is born is driving me bananas. I have to completely rely on L to update us when she goes to the dr or any appointments she has. I have to rely on the attorney to do all the necessary paperwork to make this a smooth transition. I have to rely on the court system not finding some strange/weird technicality to mess this up for me. (yes I know that seems far-fetched... in my life trust me it's not. If something was going to happen to 1 in a 1000 people, I'd be the one!) I have to just be patient and wait. I'm trying to spend time looking at baby things but I've yet to buy anything because I'm still plagued by the What If"s. What if something happens to the baby? What if she changes her mind? What if she finds someone else? What if the court thinks we aren't good enough? So instead I just look at things and end up being worried/stressed all over again. It's going to be tough for me the next 4 months so please pray for me. Pray that I have patience. Pray that I'm able to relax and enjoy these last 4 months of doing whatever/whenever. Pray that everything goes smoothly and according to plan. Pray that I'm able to finally realize my dreams of becoming a mother in 4 short months from now.
We are over the moon thankful that L found us and wants us to adopt her baby, but January seems sooooooo far away. I know in the grand scheme of our TTC 4 months seems like a cake walk but still when you've been TTC for over 7 years, 4 more months seems impossible.
This whole situation requires me to give up the control and just have faith and trust that everything will work out. Definitely NOT my strong suit. I am terrible at waiting for things to happen and not being the one making them happen. So to basically just have to sit tight until January when the baby is born is driving me bananas. I have to completely rely on L to update us when she goes to the dr or any appointments she has. I have to rely on the attorney to do all the necessary paperwork to make this a smooth transition. I have to rely on the court system not finding some strange/weird technicality to mess this up for me. (yes I know that seems far-fetched... in my life trust me it's not. If something was going to happen to 1 in a 1000 people, I'd be the one!) I have to just be patient and wait. I'm trying to spend time looking at baby things but I've yet to buy anything because I'm still plagued by the What If"s. What if something happens to the baby? What if she changes her mind? What if she finds someone else? What if the court thinks we aren't good enough? So instead I just look at things and end up being worried/stressed all over again. It's going to be tough for me the next 4 months so please pray for me. Pray that I have patience. Pray that I'm able to relax and enjoy these last 4 months of doing whatever/whenever. Pray that everything goes smoothly and according to plan. Pray that I'm able to finally realize my dreams of becoming a mother in 4 short months from now.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Breakdown
Today I might have had a huge gigantic little tiny breakdown.
This morning when I woke up AF had returned. Which I know is good for my overall sanity & health but still. Boo to the things that come with it.
Then I'm bored to death at work. Very sad.
So I go home for lunch and can't get in the house.
The door knob has been getting stuck and having problems and generally just been being a pain in the ass. But hasn't been fixed yet.
So I am standing there twisting and turning and trying ever so unsuccessfully to get into the house. All I wanted was lunch.
Then...I.LOST.IT.
I mean all out, screaming at the skies, throwing things, kicking things, yelling profanities LOST IT.
I'm actually surprised the neighbors didn't call the psych ward right then.
I was just so tired of everything falling all apart and not being able to control or fix it. I've heard that people grieve differently and different things set them off. I hadn't really felt like I cried much during the funerals and visitations but I think I was in sort of a never-ending state of shock. Did I ever think my jump off point would be a door knob? No. Do I still think that part of the story is a little ridiculous? Absolutely.
I screamed and cried and yelled for how unfair it was to loose two Grandparents so close together and right before the holidays. I cried for all this infertility bullshit we've been through over the last 6.5 years. I cried for being stuck outside with no phone and for not having a phone for the last month and for not having the money to get my phone turned back on. I cried for being broke all the time, for living with my parents at the age of 27. I cried for just wanting to eat lunch and having no money since I'd spent every dollar I had on groceries last night (so I'd be able to eat lunch) all of which were currently locked in the house (that I'm sure I looked like I was trying to rob). I cried and screamed and yelled profanities at God in the middle of the yard like a crazy person.
Did I feel better after getting it all off my chest? Yes. Do I think any of those things I'm upset about are going to change anytime soon? No.
But shortly after my screaming/crying/begging fit had slowed to just tears running down my face the door suddenly clicked and I could get in. I've never been so glad to walk into the house as I was just then.
And I'm ok with the fact that this story makes me sound crazy because the breakdown needed to happen and I needed to get that stuff off my chest. Hopefully now I will be able to move on and start trying to get my life back.
This morning when I woke up AF had returned. Which I know is good for my overall sanity & health but still. Boo to the things that come with it.
Then I'm bored to death at work. Very sad.
So I go home for lunch and can't get in the house.
The door knob has been getting stuck and having problems and generally just been being a pain in the ass. But hasn't been fixed yet.
So I am standing there twisting and turning and trying ever so unsuccessfully to get into the house. All I wanted was lunch.
Then...I.LOST.IT.
I mean all out, screaming at the skies, throwing things, kicking things, yelling profanities LOST IT.
I'm actually surprised the neighbors didn't call the psych ward right then.
I was just so tired of everything falling all apart and not being able to control or fix it. I've heard that people grieve differently and different things set them off. I hadn't really felt like I cried much during the funerals and visitations but I think I was in sort of a never-ending state of shock. Did I ever think my jump off point would be a door knob? No. Do I still think that part of the story is a little ridiculous? Absolutely.
I screamed and cried and yelled for how unfair it was to loose two Grandparents so close together and right before the holidays. I cried for all this infertility bullshit we've been through over the last 6.5 years. I cried for being stuck outside with no phone and for not having a phone for the last month and for not having the money to get my phone turned back on. I cried for being broke all the time, for living with my parents at the age of 27. I cried for just wanting to eat lunch and having no money since I'd spent every dollar I had on groceries last night (so I'd be able to eat lunch) all of which were currently locked in the house (that I'm sure I looked like I was trying to rob). I cried and screamed and yelled profanities at God in the middle of the yard like a crazy person.
Did I feel better after getting it all off my chest? Yes. Do I think any of those things I'm upset about are going to change anytime soon? No.
But shortly after my screaming/crying/begging fit had slowed to just tears running down my face the door suddenly clicked and I could get in. I've never been so glad to walk into the house as I was just then.
And I'm ok with the fact that this story makes me sound crazy because the breakdown needed to happen and I needed to get that stuff off my chest. Hopefully now I will be able to move on and start trying to get my life back.
Monday, December 5, 2011
Prayer
Today was Grandma K's knee replacement surgery. It was at 9:30 this morning and drs said she came through very well. Now everything is up to how determined she is to go through therapy. Hopefully she'll be up and moving in no time.
I was reading on another blog over the weekend and read something that really resonated with me. She said that her husband interrupted her while she was praying and told her 'not to ask for life to be easier, but to pray that she was stronger' and at first I thought Wow, what a dick... why wouldn't he want their life to be easier after several hardships... But then I thought more about it and he was right. No one said life would be easy. Sometimes it's not even fun but praying for life to get easier without being willing to make changes yourself is just a waste of time.
This got me thinking of several things that I've been praying for.
I have recently been praying for a new job. Well to be honest, as much as I would LOVE to have a new job I haven't been really looking. I haven't submitted any resumes and have only skimmed over a couple websites. How on earth can God bless me with a new job, if I'm not looking too.
I've also been praying for God to give us a financial break. Well again, I'm not really doing anything to help this. I'm not saving money, I'm not looking for a 2nd job to help out or a new primary job that pays more. I've just been hoping/wishing/praying that we would miraculously "come into some money". I'm not sure if I thought it would start falling from the skies or what, but I now know that I'm the one that needs to make a change.
I've also been praying about how it isn't fair that we cannot conceive. Well I guess on that front, I still thing it's not fair that so many people become pregnant everyday and we do not but maybe if we had some of those other things in order and I was healthier then God would decide that it could be time for us to grow our family.
So now I agree, 'Don't pray for an easier life, pray for strength to make it through the one you have.'
I was reading on another blog over the weekend and read something that really resonated with me. She said that her husband interrupted her while she was praying and told her 'not to ask for life to be easier, but to pray that she was stronger' and at first I thought Wow, what a dick... why wouldn't he want their life to be easier after several hardships... But then I thought more about it and he was right. No one said life would be easy. Sometimes it's not even fun but praying for life to get easier without being willing to make changes yourself is just a waste of time.
This got me thinking of several things that I've been praying for.
I have recently been praying for a new job. Well to be honest, as much as I would LOVE to have a new job I haven't been really looking. I haven't submitted any resumes and have only skimmed over a couple websites. How on earth can God bless me with a new job, if I'm not looking too.
I've also been praying for God to give us a financial break. Well again, I'm not really doing anything to help this. I'm not saving money, I'm not looking for a 2nd job to help out or a new primary job that pays more. I've just been hoping/wishing/praying that we would miraculously "come into some money". I'm not sure if I thought it would start falling from the skies or what, but I now know that I'm the one that needs to make a change.
I've also been praying about how it isn't fair that we cannot conceive. Well I guess on that front, I still thing it's not fair that so many people become pregnant everyday and we do not but maybe if we had some of those other things in order and I was healthier then God would decide that it could be time for us to grow our family.
So now I agree, 'Don't pray for an easier life, pray for strength to make it through the one you have.'
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