The Never Ending Roller Coaster

We are two weeks away from Baby Girl's due date. TWO WEEKS!!! The anticipation is completely killing me at this point. I'm not sleeping well, I'm crabby and snapping at everyone and cry all the time. I mean don't get me wrong I'm so so so so excited to finally have a baby and to be there for her birth but at the same time all the wondering/waiting is driving me nuts. When will she call, will she call, where will I be, what day will it be, will I miss the call, will we make it there on time, will our parents get ready to go fast enough, do I have everything we need packed?!? These questions are weighing on my mind all day and all night long. Hence the no sleep, which is making me crabby.

And if one more person tells me to "Just Relax, Be patient, or It'll all work out" I'm going to straight throat punch them. I HATED that expression when we were trying to conceive for 7+ years and I think I might actually hate it even more now. Relaxing doesn't help you get pregnant when your lady parts aren't working at all and it's certainly not going to throw L into labor any damn faster. It also doesn't help that I have friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances calling and texting me about every 15 minutes asking if I've heard anything yet. NO, if I did I would call you. LEAVE ME ALONE! All that does is stress me out even more for not having the answers and then they tell me to relax and be patient. It's a never ending cycle.

I don't mean for this post to sound so Debbie Downer but it's hard to wait for the biggest thing to ever happen in your life when you have NO CLUE what's happening at any given moment or dr appt or anything like that. It's tough. Please pray that I'll find some patience and finally be able to get some rest before I go totally insane. :)

The Waiting Game

Well we are now in the waiting game period. :) BM will be 36 weeks pregnant on Thursday so we are playing the waiting game. Every time my phone makes any noise I'm running to get it just in case it's a call or text from her. We still have 4 WEEKS TO GO and I'm already this paranoid. I should note her last pregnancy she delivered at 37 weeks and we have a 9.5 hour drive to get to her so that hypes up my anticipation even more. And I know every pregnancy and baby is different so she could still be weeks away from delivering but it's hard to be patient at this point. PLUS it's CHRISTMAS and I've always dreamed of having a baby around Christmas time and that's sort of what we've been telling people from the get go was that we were adopting a baby around Christmas... silly of us, I know, but that was sort of an easy way to pinpoint and make it more real to us. So now that Christmas is only 7 days away and we have had our bags packed for weeks the anticipation is killing me!!! :) But I know that everything happens in God's timing. I mean we tried to get pregnant for 7 years with no luck at all and then out of the blue we get the call we've always been waiting for so I know she'll be born when she's ready but the waiting sucks. lol

Pray for us as we continue to wait it out and if you see a crazy person with their phone glued to their hand, don't judge her as rude or self-centered, she just might be waiting for the phone call that will change her entire life.

Roller Coaster of Emotions

Lately I feel like I'm just a roller coaster of emotions. I'm happy, scared, nervous, anxious, thankful, grateful, worried, stressed, and the list seems endless.

We are over the moon thankful that L found us and wants us to adopt her baby, but January seems sooooooo far away. I know in the grand scheme of our TTC 4 months seems like a cake walk but still when you've been TTC for over 7 years, 4 more months seems impossible.

This whole situation requires me to give up the control and just have faith and trust that everything will work out. Definitely NOT my strong suit. I am terrible at waiting for things to happen and not being the one making them happen. So to basically just have to sit tight until January when the baby is born is driving me bananas. I have to completely rely on L to update us when she goes to the dr or any appointments she has. I have to rely on the attorney to do all the necessary paperwork to make this a smooth transition. I have to rely on the court system not finding some strange/weird technicality to mess this up for me. (yes I know that seems far-fetched... in my life trust me it's not. If something was going to happen to 1 in a 1000 people, I'd be the one!) I have to just be patient and wait. I'm trying to spend time looking at baby things but I've yet to buy anything because I'm still plagued by the What If"s. What if something happens to the baby? What if she changes her mind? What if she finds someone else? What if the court thinks we aren't good enough? So instead I just look at things and end up being worried/stressed all over again. It's going to be tough for me the next 4 months so please pray for me. Pray that I have patience. Pray that I'm able to relax and enjoy these last 4 months of doing whatever/whenever. Pray that everything goes smoothly and according to plan. Pray that I'm able to finally realize my dreams of becoming a mother in 4 short months from now.