Lately I feel like I'm just a roller coaster of emotions. I'm happy, scared, nervous, anxious, thankful, grateful, worried, stressed, and the list seems endless.
We are over the moon thankful that L found us and wants us to adopt her baby, but January seems sooooooo far away. I know in the grand scheme of our TTC 4 months seems like a cake walk but still when you've been TTC for over 7 years, 4 more months seems impossible.
This whole situation requires me to give up the control and just have faith and trust that everything will work out. Definitely NOT my strong suit. I am terrible at waiting for things to happen and not being the one making them happen. So to basically just have to sit tight until January when the baby is born is driving me bananas. I have to completely rely on L to update us when she goes to the dr or any appointments she has. I have to rely on the attorney to do all the necessary paperwork to make this a smooth transition. I have to rely on the court system not finding some strange/weird technicality to mess this up for me. (yes I know that seems far-fetched... in my life trust me it's not. If something was going to happen to 1 in a 1000 people, I'd be the one!) I have to just be patient and wait. I'm trying to spend time looking at baby things but I've yet to buy anything because I'm still plagued by the What If"s. What if something happens to the baby? What if she changes her mind? What if she finds someone else? What if the court thinks we aren't good enough? So instead I just look at things and end up being worried/stressed all over again. It's going to be tough for me the next 4 months so please pray for me. Pray that I have patience. Pray that I'm able to relax and enjoy these last 4 months of doing whatever/whenever. Pray that everything goes smoothly and according to plan. Pray that I'm able to finally realize my dreams of becoming a mother in 4 short months from now.
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