Prayers Answered!!!!

Every night when I go to sleep I say the same prayer. Dear God, please help us find our baby & help our birthmother find us. We want nothing more than to be parents, please help us. Amen.

Today that prayer came true. I typically check my Facebook several times a day (addicted, I know!) so today just like normal I logged in and saw I had a private message. Upon opening it I saw it was from the lady who took my sister's wedding photos. The message said "I saw a while back you had something on your page about wanting to adopt. Can you call me" So I did and she proceeded to tell me about a girl she knew that was approximately 5 months pregnant and because of (long story) she was planning on putting the baby up for adoption. She went on to explain about how Jerry and I were the first people she thought of. *Mind you I've not seen or talked to her since my sisters wedding almost 1 year ago.* She said the girl was anxious to meet us if we were interested and went on to talk about going to appointments and ultrasounds and such. When we hung up the phone I was literally shaking. I couldn't believe what had just happened. I ran outside to call Jerry but he didn't answer (go figure!) so instead called my sister. I was crying so hard she could barely understand me and thought I'd been in an accident or something. I finally got it all out and she was just thrilled for me and told me to go and do some toe touches! lol

I finally got done talking to my sister and went back inside at work, which was right around the time Jerry called back. So I went out and told him and he just kept saying ok, ok, ok. I finally yelled IS THAT ALL YOU CAN SAY IS OK?!?! He said that he was just in shock and even though we pray every night that he never actually thought something like this would happen.

I finally got settled back in a work and my cell phone rings with the photographer again. I immediately thought "Oh no, she changed her mind already!" but she was calling to tell me that she talked to the girl and she wants to meet us THIS Wednesday at 6 pm!!!!!

I'm feeling so many emotions right now. I'm happy, grateful, excited but also nervous, worried and slightly terrified. I want to be excited and have faith that everything will work out like it's supposed to but it's very hard and we've already been through so much that I don't want to get my hopes up and be crushed in the end.

We meet her on Wednesday and I'll update again then. Please pray for us and for her and that everything will work out and we'll be adding a baby to our family in a couple months.

Crystal Ball

I wish that I could see into the future for just a little while to see where I'm supposed to end up. I know that life would be no fun if everyone got everything they wanted and knew exactly how things would play out but just a glimpse would be nice.

I want to ask where I should be looking to find the children that God wants in my family. I wish I knew how to get ourselves out of our money situations. I wish I knew a lot of things really.

I'm just stressed and confused I guess. I want nothing more than to be a mother but I just don't know how to make that happen. It doesn't help that I've been helping my little sister get things set up and ready for her 2nd baby to be born in a couple months. It's just hard, I'm 5 years older than her and she's having her 2nd baby and I still have none. It's incredibly difficult not to be jealous.

Hopefully soon I'll be able to find my way on the right path. Right now I guess I'm stuck wishing for a Crystal Ball to show me the way.

Decision Made

So after the IUI was a fail and adopting through an agency is WAY out of our price range we took a hard look at where we wanted to be and how we wanted to proceed. Did we want to stay and try Foster Care, or switch jobs to getting better insurance to move on to IVF or move all together and get a fresh start somewhere else.

Well we've decided that we are moving to Colorado!! I am BEYOND excited for this and wish that January would get here sooner. Why January you ask??? Well we are waiting until January to get things taken care of here and there, saving money and waiting for our lease to run out. We've already started going through the house and taking inventory of things we will/will not be taking with us. I've also started looking online for apartments/houses and jobs. It helps that my BFF lives there and so I've asked her to keep a lookout and if I find a place online I can send her to look at it without me having to actually be there. So that's very helpful. Job hunting is going to be a little trickier. I'm not really sure how that will work from across the country but people do it all the time, right? So far I've posted my resume on Monster.com and I'm checking with the local newspapers online there.

I'm not going to lie taking a 6 month break in the TTC dept sucks because I know I'm just going to keep getting older as time progresses but I know that I'll be happier once we get moved and settled and therefore less stressed and we will re-evaluate at that time if we are going to go forward with IVF at the Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine in Denver or if we'll move forward with trying to adopt.

Right now I just know that I'm excited! Scared but very excited and completely thrilled to have something to focus my energy on besides TTC and shots and doctor appointments and temperatures and periods and OPK's and BFN's and adoption paperwork and legal fees. Completely thrilled. :)

IUI Bust

So our IUI with Injectible cycle is over and done. Due to my having PCOS there was just no good way to make 1 or 2 follicles grow and not them all. I ended up with 12 mature follicles and about another 10 not far behind. So needless to say Dr. J (and us) didn't feel comfortable proceeding with the insemination. So we had to cancel. We were extremely disappointed. We knew this was a possible outcome from the beginning but we were really really hoping that by some miracle things would work out.

We've decided not to try again with IUI because odds are pretty high that will just happen again. So we are taking yet another break while we save for IVF or adoption. The breaks suck!!! I'm doing my best tyring to let things be up to God but I hate just sitting idly by and waiting feeling like I'm doing nothing to get us closer to our goal of becoming parents. It's a tough road to walk and hard to figure out which way to go.

Hello in there....

Hello, is anyone in there.... *crickets* This is pretty much how my appt went this morning. I'm on CD10 of our first IUI w/injectables and was informed this morning that the dosage of meds they have me on is doing NOTHING! My largest follicle is at 7mm, it was 6mm on Friday. I'm not impressed.

So they were planning on inseminating this Friday but that has since changed since you know nothing is in there. So the date is getting pushed out which simply isn't good for me. We are going to Nebraska for a family reunion from 7/5 - 7/8.... which if you guessed is right around the time frame that they are now wanting to inseminate you would win the grand prize! - Not sure what I'm going to do about this situation.

Don't get me wrong, I would go to the ends of the earth to have a child(ren) but I'm just a little frustrated with getting up at 4:00 a.m. to drive 1.5 hours there and then back to work 3 times a week and it's been pretty much for nothing.

PS. Don't even get me started on the giant pain-in-the-ass it was to get the freaking meds here the first time and now I have to order MORE. plus the band-aid from the blood draw this morning gave me a rash. :(

Is anything in my life ever going to be easy.

It's go time!!!

Ladies and gentleman we are on the starting blocks and diving head first into the magical world of IUI with Injectibles!!!!!

This morning was my baseline bloodwork & ultrasound and the meds will be arriving by FedEx tomorrow morning to be started immediately.

To say I'm nervous is the understatement of the year. My family and doctor are all really paranoid about multiples and my.oh.my the consent forms I've had to fill out! but honestly I'm terrified it won't work at all.

We are praying like crazy that this will be the answer to our prayers! Please pray for us!

Random Ramblings

So this post is going to be sort of all over the place, but my brain is currently living in CrazyTown right now so what can ya expect!

* IVF has been postponed until we miraculously win the lottery, become rich or change jobs and get better insurance coverage. Everything went perfectly with the testing and Dr. J was ready to get started but we cannot get the financing. FML.

* We talked Dr. J into letting us do IUI with stims. It's a long shot since I have PCOS plus we're dealing with male factor stuff as well BUT our insurance covers it. So we're willing to try.Also, it's super risky as far as getting a multiple pregnancy. Dr. J kept mentioning the word litter. :-o)

* I'm a little terrified of the IUI. We've already done IUI with Clomid twice with no luck so I'm currently living in between being completely terrified it won't work at all and being completely terrified that we'll end up with 8 babies. Either way... I'm terrified.

* I've talked to Dr. J and let him know that I'm in NO WAY comfortable with selective reduction. I sort of feel like I've been praying/begging for a baby for so long that it would sort of be like punching God in the face and saying no thanks, changed my mind. Plus the procedure that would be done... I could NOT do to a baby. So unless there is like 10 or 12 in there and I will absolutely die or they will all die if I do not do it then it's just simply not an option.

* This whole process is moving a lot slower than I thought. I have to be approved by a Maternal Fetal Specialist before I can proceed (because of that whole risk of multiples thing) and they can't get me in until June 15th. Rational me knows that's less than a month away so big deal right... emotional me knows that because of where I am in my cycle I'm going to have to miss 2 MORE CYCLES before we can even THINK about getting started. Not impressed.

* Relationship is still a work in progress. I think the IF stuff is just wearing on us so much and I never feel like he cares enough and he thinks I care enough for about 30 people. So we're working on it.

* Work is stressing me the F out. I feel like my pile of things to do just keeps growing and growing, no matter how much I do to work on the pile it's not shrinking.

Other than all that, no too much going on in these parts. Just hurry up and wait, hurry up and wait. Story of my life!